The only real problem with your layout is visibility. You won't see it from your living space, it's pretty much in a hallway so really it's not much different from being hidden in a closet. I'd have a hard time enjoying a tank in that type of location.
I like this better
Tank might be a little big but the location works better even if the tank is not as wide.
Also with the fish room being rather small consider keeping the sump under the tank to free up some space in the room. This way you'll have more room for electrical, water change buckets, RO filter, and even a laundry sink.